Dusks and Dawns

red sky at night brings…
 allergies, fires, candles…
 and love. my love. love!
 
 red sky at morning
 sailors give warning: heart bursts
 for what’s lost at night
 
 

Daykeep

eyes burning, itching
 allergies taking over
 lost words from far back
 
 yet, i’m so happy
 house tucked into dream pocket
 i could let this go
 
 this and my students
 who deserve America
 (this dream we all have)
 
 and i’ll fight for them
 and she’ll praise him, she’ll praise him
 (but he wouldn’t fight)
 
 and we all know it–
 how deep my love grows. hard ass?
 abso-fuck-lutely
 
 hard ass, heart of gold.
 that you can’t forget. you can’t.
 and why now, why now?
 
 cause it’s easy now?
 cause you have a house, a home?
 cause we’re good enough?
 
 cause we were good then,
 as golden as these lost days.
 i’ll keep my days. thanks.
 
 
 
 
 

No Words Tonight

the baby turns nine
 halfway through her childhood
 my heart half broken
 
 

Anywhere but Here

with windows wide: write.
 because you’ve missed my poems, love.
 since yesterday’s dawn
 
 girls in sun’s shadow
 as she announces her move.
 life: cycle in, out.
 


you know you’ve missed me
 my “seven-likes” followers
 ’cause i didn’t write
 
 you count me daily
 amongst the regular loves
 that make us a life
 
 and i was just born.
 (it was like i was just born
 the day i met him)
 


’cause seventeen years
 can’t be measured in mountains
 or wildflowers
 


or whining children.
 but in the steps we oft take
 on our way back home
 
 and in sunsets. Sun!
 lighting my way across love
 across city, life.
 


cutting down this ‘hood
 into what it’s meant to be:
 scraped, demolished, lost.
 
 circular i am
 because that’s how tires spin:
 neverending globe
 


that brings us back home
 wherever that home may be.
 anywhere but here.
 

Sunny Skies Ahead

he comes home with clouds
 hovering over new joy
 (where we could be free)
 
 but then i must ask:
 is freedom found in money?
 so hard to answer
 
 those without know best:
 lack of money’s a prison
 choking month to month
 
 those with all know best:
 too much money is a trap
 biting claws of greed
 
 it was just enough
 for shoes, road trips, water parks
 just enough to breathe
 
 i want that freedom–
 monthly-cycle jail-cell break
 so far from the clouds
 
 

Day Twenty-One, Road Trip 2015

all ages love boats,
 skyline tower views, no waves,
 island tree climbing
 
 parks make cities nice
 waterfront, shady, crowd free
 not these skyscrapers
 
 multicolored ride
 subway, tunnel underground
 (to hide from winter)
 
 what about fresh air?
 facing the snowy cold day?
 not in Toronto
 
 for now, sun shines through
 we see commerce’s belly
 windows heaven down
 
 it’s hard to picture
 winter’s isolating freeze
 (even fruit hides here)
 
 that’s what it’s like now
 just before our trek back home
 (last time i’ll see her)
 
 in tunnels, hiding
 just like friendships wax and wane
 waiting to come back
 
 

Day Seventeen, Road Trip 2015

met in a drugstore
 seventy years of marriage
 through three kids, three wars
 
 still earth’s travelers
 color-coded pins mark map
 slept, lived, camped, drove, flew
 
 she swims every day
 he mows the yard and pulls weeds
 they tease each other
 
 best of all? they grin
 take tragedy, joy in turns
 till death do them part
 
 (this is why i drive
 take my kids along the road
 live long by travel)
 
 

The Same Zip Code

we make home visits to welcome freshmen
who haven’t set foot in our school.
on the drive we discuss gentrification,
how these kids are coming across town
to our school because they think it’s better
(but it’s so much better than the remnants
of gangs that linger in their northwest ‘hood,
in the high school that hasn’t caught up
with the white money-chasers)

inside the first house, a blond bombshell
(shy as a country field mouse) lets us into
her gutted bungalow, replete with
granite counters all around, tells us she chooses us
because the people at our school were nicer
than the pompous competitor next to City Park

we make our way back to the south side
and step into a mansion built
on top of one of Denver’s many scrapes,
with oriental rugs leading from
hallway to music room to never-ending kitchen,
with a nice mother and a moody teenage boy
who grunts responses to questions
(because manners can’t be bought)

and then, within the same zip code of
block after block of mansions that
have all but stomped out the middle class,
we pull up to our last stop:
The Red Pine Motel,
settled along Broadway
between a bar and a pot shop.

in a tiny apartment without a table,
a man stands eating a bowl of soup,
his hand half broken and bandaged,
his pony tail tied at the nape of his neck,
his high-heeled wife potty training
her three-year-old in the adjacent room.

“you can come and look, do your check,
do what you need to do.”
we exchange glances.
do they they think we’re the cops?
are they used to this?
my colleague reassures him that this is a friendly visit,
that we have papers and t-shirts
and hope for a better tomorrow
(God save us all)

we sit on the bench-like singular piece of furniture
in the kitchen/living/dining room,
(no more than 100 square feet)
with a miniature gas stove and not a single
speck of a counter, granite or otherwise

the boy is running late
and both parents engage in disgruntled talk
when he arrives,
and they plain as day tell us what he’s like
and he plain as day answers.
they use words like imaginative.
engaging.
photographic memory.

and the little girl sports her
oversized South Future Rebel t-shirt,
and the uncle waits outside and begs
to have a t-shirt too,
so proud are they of sending their boy
on the one mile
(the one million mile)
walk between their dwelling and
the grandiose Italian architecture
that will be his high school,
where he will walk past
block after block of mansions
in the same zip code
through the disappearing middle class
into the institution
that will grant him a future
or place him right back
into the thin line of poverty
that hovers over our city.

and this is what it’s like to be a teacher
in today’s world.

Home. Made.

another stressed day
just before Christmas bustle
lost to this sickness

tears fresh this morning
frozen pond glistening dawn
star-studded boathouse

guilt trailing my job
as he rushed home, two sick girls
and me? meetings, plans

she came back today
babyless, unpacking shelves
repacking her life

her despondence stung
i couldn’t leave her alone
burdened with boxes

we made plans, had lunch
I got your card, she told me
we’re not sending any

no family photo
for his first, never Christmas

(this is what i hear)

but she won’t say that,
leaves me lines to read between
your girls’ pic was great

her grief in all words
she tells of Christmas-free plans
prepared to move on

this i carry home
with oldest’s three earned awards
to my handsome chef

his job ends next week
i won’t worry who’ll nurse them
and make chicken soup

noodles fall from spoons
and girls, all better, delight
priceless remedy

now they’ll discuss me
what will he do now, and you?
i’ll have no answer

only the safety
of the home he makes for us
beyond what they see

Soul Searching

not a single soul
in this forty-person room
has guts to speak truth

sadly, nor do i
phone in hand, blog post ready
[i can’t lose her now]

you see, i’ve lost her
and the darkness in my heart?
no match on this Earth

so i won’t speak truth
i’ll sugar-coat it, smile, nod:
age brings clarity

in that clarity
drink-free, sunny fall Sunday
i die to tell all

in her card, later
she’ll see every word and cry
for all that’s lost, gained

she couldn’t find words
only pics, video, songs
everything for him

i still feel empty
she texts me later, heart burned
you’re the only one…

even her husband
didn’t know who her dad was
[i’ve known her longer]

after the speeches
seeing her, baby in arms?
the love. of my life.

she is my best friend
her loss is my loss, our loss
never hers alone

bubbles in the sky
blown from his loving, warm lips
i live her longing

not a single soul
who speaks, making him perfect
will dare speak the truth

will i dare speak it?
a shadow follows her life
dark, drinking daddy