Leaves

stomach tumbling
 with sick realization:
 innocence now lost
 
 just three days ago
 she was climbing up the limbs
 of youth’s bulging tree
 
 her arms strong and thin
 (but what was bulging inside,
 ready to burst free?)
 
 to know that she knows
 kills me from the inside out
 (as a mom, a slave)
 
 failures drop like leaves
 of youth’s impending autumn
 to crunch with my woes
 
 i’ve always loved leaves
 (but there’s no satisfaction
 in this kind of crunch.)
 
 she searches hollows
 to fill a hollow within
 (i’ve searched too. in vain.)
 
 to know that she knows
 brings every dark doubt to light
 (no tree-limbed safe-net)
 
 what will she climb next?
 (the strong arms of a stranger
 who will leave no leaves…)
 
 a mom’s greatest fear:
 to lose children to branches
 that i cannot reach
 
 

Hatched

first day of too old
 can’t believe how big they’ve grown
 so far from our shell
 
 yes, they’ve broken free
 walk out into the world
 chick fluff gone with grins
 
 

Problem Solving

she wants an answer
 and i want a solution:
 not an easy mix
 
 i stare at Wash Park
 paddles, crayfish everywhere
 and think of that day
 
 when we were problems
 we were each other’s problems
 and that was okay
 
 she’d never been there
 and we pedaled that huge bike
 each one disabled
 
 we ate what we ate
 we chewed what we chewed: bitter
 yet: so fucking sweet
 
 and why i hate now:
 because i have everything
 (nothing without her)
 
 money doesn’t buy
 that once-in-a-lifetime love
 trapped inside boxes
 
 so what’s my answer?
 there’s no easy solution
 to a broken heart
 
 but let us fix it
 pedal away from Wash Park
 be wholly ourselves
 
 

Dusks and Dawns

red sky at night brings…
 allergies, fires, candles…
 and love. my love. love!
 
 red sky at morning
 sailors give warning: heart bursts
 for what’s lost at night
 
 

Daykeep

eyes burning, itching
 allergies taking over
 lost words from far back
 
 yet, i’m so happy
 house tucked into dream pocket
 i could let this go
 
 this and my students
 who deserve America
 (this dream we all have)
 
 and i’ll fight for them
 and she’ll praise him, she’ll praise him
 (but he wouldn’t fight)
 
 and we all know it–
 how deep my love grows. hard ass?
 abso-fuck-lutely
 
 hard ass, heart of gold.
 that you can’t forget. you can’t.
 and why now, why now?
 
 cause it’s easy now?
 cause you have a house, a home?
 cause we’re good enough?
 
 cause we were good then,
 as golden as these lost days.
 i’ll keep my days. thanks.
 
 
 
 
 

No Words Tonight

the baby turns nine
 halfway through her childhood
 my heart half broken
 
 

Anywhere but Here

with windows wide: write.
 because you’ve missed my poems, love.
 since yesterday’s dawn
 
 girls in sun’s shadow
 as she announces her move.
 life: cycle in, out.
 


you know you’ve missed me
 my “seven-likes” followers
 ’cause i didn’t write
 
 you count me daily
 amongst the regular loves
 that make us a life
 
 and i was just born.
 (it was like i was just born
 the day i met him)
 


’cause seventeen years
 can’t be measured in mountains
 or wildflowers
 


or whining children.
 but in the steps we oft take
 on our way back home
 
 and in sunsets. Sun!
 lighting my way across love
 across city, life.
 


cutting down this ‘hood
 into what it’s meant to be:
 scraped, demolished, lost.
 
 circular i am
 because that’s how tires spin:
 neverending globe
 


that brings us back home
 wherever that home may be.
 anywhere but here.
 

Sunny Skies Ahead

he comes home with clouds
 hovering over new joy
 (where we could be free)
 
 but then i must ask:
 is freedom found in money?
 so hard to answer
 
 those without know best:
 lack of money’s a prison
 choking month to month
 
 those with all know best:
 too much money is a trap
 biting claws of greed
 
 it was just enough
 for shoes, road trips, water parks
 just enough to breathe
 
 i want that freedom–
 monthly-cycle jail-cell break
 so far from the clouds
 
 

Day Twenty-One, Road Trip 2015

all ages love boats,
 skyline tower views, no waves,
 island tree climbing
 
 parks make cities nice
 waterfront, shady, crowd free
 not these skyscrapers
 
 multicolored ride
 subway, tunnel underground
 (to hide from winter)
 
 what about fresh air?
 facing the snowy cold day?
 not in Toronto
 
 for now, sun shines through
 we see commerce’s belly
 windows heaven down
 
 it’s hard to picture
 winter’s isolating freeze
 (even fruit hides here)
 
 that’s what it’s like now
 just before our trek back home
 (last time i’ll see her)
 
 in tunnels, hiding
 just like friendships wax and wane
 waiting to come back
 
 

Day Seventeen, Road Trip 2015

met in a drugstore
 seventy years of marriage
 through three kids, three wars
 
 still earth’s travelers
 color-coded pins mark map
 slept, lived, camped, drove, flew
 
 she swims every day
 he mows the yard and pulls weeds
 they tease each other
 
 best of all? they grin
 take tragedy, joy in turns
 till death do them part
 
 (this is why i drive
 take my kids along the road
 live long by travel)